Lately I've been thinking about friendships. It seems like everyone has a best friend, or even a group of best friends. Everyone seems to have that person that they call when things are going awesome and they want to share the news or when things are going south and they need a shoulder to cry on. I keep reading these comments on blogs and on Facebook about "going to see my bestie!" or girls going on trips together, shopping together, meeting for coffee, arranging play dates, or just talking on the phone for hours.
When I was younger I used to have "best friends" but they never thought of me as their "best friend". I was just a friend, someone to call when you needed help or when your boyfriend dumped you, or you just wanted to go do something without having to pay for it. I called these my best friends but they never were...not really.
I had a close group of girlfriends in high school but once we went to college and right around the time I started dating my now husband...it fell apart. Now I see them posting about things they do together but I'm not in the group anymore....I don't count.
I tried again in college but the ended worse than the first time. Apparently I was a bad friend because I didn't ALWAYS answer the phone and I wasn't ALWAYS available. I had a boyfriend and he and I did spend a lot of time together, but apparently I was also supposed to be in a relationship type thing with the friends....I guess I missed that memo in girl school.
Now I have guy friends and my husband of course....but they don't relate to my girl problems at all. Also I don't have any sisters, only brothers, and while they are super sweet, they don't get the girl problems either.
I do have 2 friends that were in my wedding that I adore...but I know I am not their best friend. They live pretty far away so casual hangouts don't happen, everything has to be planned way in advance. Also they aren't married and don't have any kids so when I do talk to them about things going on in that part of my life I know they are trying to be supportive....but they have no clue what is going on. I know this for a fact because I myself never understood what it was like on this side. I didn't know how hard marriage could be or how sometimes even though you love your child with the fierceness that doesn't seem possible...you wanna just sit and cry because you haven't gotten to talk to an actual adult in two weeks.
I do have my blog and my writing though...and even though I don't always get a comment or feedback from anyone at least I put the feelings out there. Even if it is just into the void.
Do you have a best friend? Or are you more of a solitary sort of person? Feel free to share below.
i dont have a "best" friend but i have very close friends. i have 2 very close friends that i would consider as "besties" and i've known them since grade 7. i guess i dn't do "best" friends since that sort of implies one person where as i have many close friends.
ReplyDeletethat said, friendships do take work. i'm a firm believer in that we need to put in the effort to continue to cultivate friendships, as we put in the effort to cultivate our relationship with our partner. our lives are so busy but we need to take the time to call friends or text them; emails or snapchats...something to let them know that we're thinking about them and to help us stay connected. it's too easy to let life and our marriage/relationship with our boyfriend/girlfriend take over but friends are a fantastic support system that everyone should have. my friends support me in ways that my husband can't (ie. from a female perspective) just as i expect my husband's friends to support him in ways that i can't. there's a certain comfort in knowing that another person (female) understands where i'm coming from/how i'm feeling about certain things and it's amazing to just get together with friends to talk about everything and nothing!
so reach out to others. it may be an effort but it's so worth it!
-kathy
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