More Things I Believe This Week

It is okay to un-follow/ un-friend those who no longer help you thrive.You don't need that negativity. 

It is okay to step back and reevaluate your goals. This is not giving up, it is growing up. 

Your Day Dream is important. 

Tell your story, even the ugly bits. You are real and that is wonderful. 

It's never too early to start prep for Halloween and Christmas. 

Being creative/creating things is the key to happiness. 

Purging old clothes is therapeutic and freeing. 

When it comes to blog posts it is always better late than never! 



What do you believe this week?

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Holding Back, Holding In, and Letting it go

Morning Everyone, 

I know today is normally a weekend recap kind of day and that Mondays (especially Mondays after daylight savings) are not really the place for a "heavy" post but honestly I have to get this out there and nothing else is going to get written until I do. 

Saturday I went jean shopping. I had lost weight last week and when I had gotten ready Saturday morning my jeans had slid on with no effort and since they are the only pair I have in that particular size I thought I would pick up another pair for backup. So off we go in the 67 degrees that it was and I grabbed about ten pairs of jeans in the size and headed to the fitting room. 

I tried on pair after pair and each one had something wrong. Too tight in the hips and wide at the waist. Too loose in the butt. Too tight in the butt. I will never get these buttoned/zipped. Pair after Pair. 

The experience was not one I want to repeat any time soon and I legit ugly cried right there in the fitting room.

You see even though I had been feeling slightly decent on Saturday morning I haven't been feeling all that great in general. I put on a smile and try to push my way through but honestly things haven't been great. At least in my own head they haven't been. 

I noticed it when everyone started talking about summer and swimsuits. Talking about the heat and then suddenly the weather is changing and it's almost spring.....and I'm over here having a slight panic attack. Not a good sign. 

I don't want warmer weather. I don't want swimsuit season or short shorts. (which BTW I saw at least 20 of them on Saturday and tube tops....you'd think we had been in an eternal ice age the way people were acting...) But why? 

Because I am not happy in my body. 

I feel like I don't know it anymore. I've always battled the weight thing....I've always felt like the "fat friend"....and I have missed out on things because I was so self conscience...but lately things are worse. Maybe it is because my whole body changed after I got pregnant. Maybe it is because I really want to Cosplay and being a plus size cosplayer is not a "popular" or "accepted" thing. Whatever the reason, I don't feel like myself anymore. 

My mom actually took a picture of me the other day and I picked it apart with all my flaws. That isn't okay. 

So I'm putting it out there....that I'm not happy. That things are not okay. I'm tired of holding it all in. Even if this post just goes out into the void at least it is out there...and out of my head.

I am going to continue with my weight loss journey but I am going to try to be less hard on myself about it. I will try to fill my head with good thoughts about my body. I have to start letting the poisonous thoughts go and move forward...I can't be the crying girl in the dressing room again. 

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