I wore a dress and didn't die

It really isn't a secret that I have body issues. They started when I was young and have progressively gotten worse. Though there was a beautiful moment in time when I felt amazingly beautiful and that was when I was pregnant. Sure not all pregnant women feel that way and sure toward the end I did feel a bit like a beached whale but I was so proud to be growing a little human being inside me that I didn't care about the stretch marks or the cellulite. 

After Kyra was born however the body issues came flooding back when I had 30 pounds of baby weight and only a 6 pound baby. I continued to feel worse and worse when I saw all these posts and pictures of moms that bounced back after giving birth. I didn't bounce back at all...not like the fit moms of blog-land or the superstars on magazine covers. In fact the body I came home with didn't seem like my body at all. In fact I didn't even recognize this body. Having a baby changes everything. Including where you gain weight and how you carry it apparently. 

So new issues arose, I got sad and frustrated, and so I hid. I hid in baggy pants and big shirts. I hid in jeans even when it was almost 100 degrees outside. Dresses and shorts? Those things were for skinny girls and fit moms. I didn't belong in those things. 

But lately there has been a shift. I'm not any thinner (not according to the scale, my mirror, or the camera anyhow) but I feel different. I am just...done. I am so over hating my body every minute. I'm tired of wasting my time worrying about things that just aren't worth worrying about. I am sick of sweating my butt off every summer in fear that someone might see my fat. 

This summer I have worn shorts, I have worn tank tops, and finally on Saturday I wore a dress. It was so humid and I desperately wanted to look nice but still be comfortable. The dress had been hanging in my closet for months and finally I was just like, "quit being a baby and just put it on...just see!" So I put it on. It fit. I looked nice. It wasn't billowy or super loose and it actually wasn't black. 

I wore the dress and I didn't die of shame. In fact...I felt pretty awesome. 

Not the best picture but the only one I snapped.

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A Different Kind of Throwback Thursday

Dear 19 (omg it has been ten years…) year old me, 

I’m writing you this letter because now that ten years have passed I am for sure older than you and though some days it may not seem like it, I am wiser. So as a “wiser” person I thought I would give you a few little tips to help you on your journey. Even though some of them will be too little too late, just roll with it and trust me. 

First and foremost because I know it is the biggest thing you are worried about even though it shouldn’t be. YES you will get married. YES you will have a gorgeous child. That is all I am giving you on that, but since I know it is something that keeps you up at night I thought I would be kind and just let you know now that it all works out in the end. 

Now to the other stuff: 

.........Enjoy yourself. Get out of your dorm room and have some fun! I know that college was a big step. It is scary but you have to get out of your room for more than just class and the amazing baked potatoes in the cafeteria. 

........WORK OUT. For real. Cheerleading is over and you need to supplement the activity. Baked potatoes are not calorie free even if you are eating them in the privacy of your dorm room. 

........Do not get guinea pigs. Just trust me. 

........Don’t worry that you don’t seem to really “click” with the other girls in your dorm. It’s okay. You are going to meet some truly amazing people and they will be your friends for life. Not one of them live with you freshman year. 

........DO NOT fall into the hoodie and sweatpants trap! 

........DO NOT take out student loans. So not worth it. 

........DO call home. A Lot. You will miss them. They will miss you. It will do you good. 

.......Go easy on Mom. She is just trying to do her best for you. You will really appreciate her in the years to come. 

.......Stop stressing out so much about what everyone is thinking. They are not thinking about you.They are 9 out of 10 times thinking about themselves.

.......Smile a lot and often. People love it when you do. 

.......Never be ashamed of your body. It may not look like everyone else, but that is the beauty of it. 

......Write more. You need it now more than ever. Write all your thoughts, hopes, and dreams down. They are powerful.

......Stay up late and play board games during finals week. Stay up all night in fact and then get IHOP at 5am and run home in the pouring rain. It is still one of my best memories. 

......Let your freak flag fly. You are a Fangirl. You love Harry Potter, Movies, Books, Anime, Cosplay, and pretty much all things nerdy. OWN IT. 

......Remember that you are not required to have your whole life figured out right now. Trust me on this because even ten years down the road you won’t have it all figured out….but somehow it all seems perfect anyway. 

.....And one last thing.....Some words to live by....

I hope these tips help. I’m cheering for you girly.

Sincerely,

You.

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Friday Five- #ProjectSelflove

Good Morning Everyone,

So this week has just been a wash when it comes to the blog. I have been busy and my little angel has been a little less than angelic....still the sweetest baby ever but we've had some trials this week.

I am still working on my Comic Con post it is coming.

So today I am again jumping on the bandwagon. I saw Whit over at I wore Yoga Pants to Work do a post on this last week and I thought it was a great idea. I know a lot of us tear ourselves down on our blogs. Sometimes intentionally and sometimes not so much. Also I know we are all hard on ourselves whenever we look in the mirror and see our imperfections instead of all the good things that are there. The point of Project Self Love is to remind yourself of the things you Love about yourself!

So here is my Friday Five #ProjectSelflove!

1) My hair~ I was gifted with Disney style hair. I'm sorry I will brag about it just a bit. It is curly when I want it and straight when I want. I've had the same hair style for years (I can get pictures to prove it trust me) and it always looks good. It's jet black (with some sparkle now) and most days does just what I want it to. I never have to pay for stylists or anything like that. I have never been to a salon. Once every couple weeks I have my mom chop off an inch or two and chop my bangs back to length. That's it. Super low maintenance and I LOVE it.

2) My eyes~ They may not see the best but I do love my eyes. Yes they are small and squinty but I love them. My normal eye color is deep brown going into black but normally I am rocking my purple contacts and once I get into they eye doctor I will have the gold ones again. I think my eyes are pretty and when I smile they nearly disappear but that is okay, you just know I am happy!

3) My "top"~ This doesn't really need much explanation. You all get it. The ladies are nice and I appreciate them even though they get in the way all the time and I will never look right in a normal tee shirt without it having a V neck. Still I'd rather have too much than none!

4) My lips~ Again super weird but I like my lips. I think I have a nicely shaped mouth and when I remember to wear lipstick I usually get compliments on my mouth (which again is weird but hey boys are weird) So yes, lips are a favorite of mine, plus I usually am smiling and that always makes a person prettier.

5) My waist~ When I am not out of shape, and heck even when I am if I wear the right clothing, my waist is pretty nice. I have an hourglass shape when I am thin and my waist always is my favorite part when I am skinny. I love wearing corsets and corset style tops and it just helps to intensify the nipped in waist shape. Thank you to my mom for that gift because she also has the smallest waist. Yay genetics! 

So there you have it! Please feel free to post your own favorite things about yourself! Everyone deserves to be reminded how awesome they are with the things they already have!

Big hugs to all, Have a great weekend!

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