It really isn't a secret that I have body issues. They started when I was young and have progressively gotten worse. Though there was a beautiful moment in time when I felt amazingly beautiful and that was when I was pregnant. Sure not all pregnant women feel that way and sure toward the end I did feel a bit like a beached whale but I was so proud to be growing a little human being inside me that I didn't care about the stretch marks or the cellulite.
After Kyra was born however the body issues came flooding back when I had 30 pounds of baby weight and only a 6 pound baby. I continued to feel worse and worse when I saw all these posts and pictures of moms that bounced back after giving birth. I didn't bounce back at all...not like the fit moms of blog-land or the superstars on magazine covers. In fact the body I came home with didn't seem like my body at all. In fact I didn't even recognize this body. Having a baby changes everything. Including where you gain weight and how you carry it apparently.
So new issues arose, I got sad and frustrated, and so I hid. I hid in baggy pants and big shirts. I hid in jeans even when it was almost 100 degrees outside. Dresses and shorts? Those things were for skinny girls and fit moms. I didn't belong in those things.
But lately there has been a shift. I'm not any thinner (not according to the scale, my mirror, or the camera anyhow) but I feel different. I am just...done. I am so over hating my body every minute. I'm tired of wasting my time worrying about things that just aren't worth worrying about. I am sick of sweating my butt off every summer in fear that someone might see my fat.
This summer I have worn shorts, I have worn tank tops, and finally on Saturday I wore a dress. It was so humid and I desperately wanted to look nice but still be comfortable. The dress had been hanging in my closet for months and finally I was just like, "quit being a baby and just put it on...just see!" So I put it on. It fit. I looked nice. It wasn't billowy or super loose and it actually wasn't black.
I wore the dress and I didn't die of shame. In fact...I felt pretty awesome.
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After Kyra was born however the body issues came flooding back when I had 30 pounds of baby weight and only a 6 pound baby. I continued to feel worse and worse when I saw all these posts and pictures of moms that bounced back after giving birth. I didn't bounce back at all...not like the fit moms of blog-land or the superstars on magazine covers. In fact the body I came home with didn't seem like my body at all. In fact I didn't even recognize this body. Having a baby changes everything. Including where you gain weight and how you carry it apparently.
So new issues arose, I got sad and frustrated, and so I hid. I hid in baggy pants and big shirts. I hid in jeans even when it was almost 100 degrees outside. Dresses and shorts? Those things were for skinny girls and fit moms. I didn't belong in those things.
But lately there has been a shift. I'm not any thinner (not according to the scale, my mirror, or the camera anyhow) but I feel different. I am just...done. I am so over hating my body every minute. I'm tired of wasting my time worrying about things that just aren't worth worrying about. I am sick of sweating my butt off every summer in fear that someone might see my fat.
This summer I have worn shorts, I have worn tank tops, and finally on Saturday I wore a dress. It was so humid and I desperately wanted to look nice but still be comfortable. The dress had been hanging in my closet for months and finally I was just like, "quit being a baby and just put it on...just see!" So I put it on. It fit. I looked nice. It wasn't billowy or super loose and it actually wasn't black.
I wore the dress and I didn't die of shame. In fact...I felt pretty awesome.
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| Not the best picture but the only one I snapped. |
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