My Own Strength

Last night I got a sample of my own inner strength.

I was having an off night. Nothing seemed to make me feel satisfied or happy. I felt weird and moody. Most likely just the mid week blues.

I just knew it was going to ruin all the progress that I had made so far this week.

But it didn't.

I made my dinner and there was a grilled cheese included because I had really wanted one. It was divine. I wanted another. I told myself no.

I sat there irritated. I had made myself sit and eat at the table. No distractions or TV or computer. I wanted another sandwich. Still I said no. I asked myself if I was really hungry or if I was just irritated and slightly bored? I decided it was the latter and moved away from the table to go about my business for the evening.

Ten minutes later I felt full and content, even without that extra sandwich.

If I would have kept eating I would have wanted another sandwich and possibly another. Slippery slope sort of thing.

Then about an hour later, I started to fill irritable again. I wanted to eat just to have something to do, some sort of instant gratification thing.

But I didn't. I got out my journal and wrote down my feelings, I vented and unleashed every little thing that was bothering me. Some things I wasn't even aware were an issue until the pen was in my hand. I filled three pages before I finally felt like the poison was gone.

So I shut the book and curled up with my husband to watch a movie.

Then we went to bed, and I was so happy. I was so relieved. I made it. I felt my way through the muck and came out just fine and my body didn't take the hit for my emotional mess.

I am so proud.

I can do this.