Let It Be

 

 

I was having a conversation with my husband last night about how frustrated I am with things lately. Everything I have attempted this week has ended up with a disappointing result. I am so very worn out and tired and usually I am a very bubbly and happy person so this is not a place that I am used to. I do occasionally have some bad days but this has been a week long epidemic…actually I think it has been a month long thing… it is just dragging on and it is wearing thin. 

 

So last night I was telling him that I am tired of this disappointment and I am tired of working hard without the results coming as quickly as I would like (patience is something I lack when it comes to my own self improvement. Everyone else deserves time and praise but me…) I told him, “Why do I even care about this stuff? Why can’t I just be happy?  Why can’t I just be content? WHY CAN’T I JUST BE??!” 

 

“Why can’t you?” He asked in is simple way of making everything seem clear when I’ve been brewing for days. “I love you just the way you are, I think you are beautiful and kind and smart and I am very lucky.” He is always catching me off guard with this stuff and last night is no different. He’s not the mushy type so when he says something like that he means it. Anyhow with his kind words he made me think clearly again. 

 

I am just going to let it be. I am putting my scale away and I am not going to judge everything I do under a microscope. I will work out because it is good for me. I am not going to stress about my weight any longer. That number is not who I am and it is completely arbitrary anyhow. No one cares about that number but me and I am done with it. I am going to eat well because it makes me feel better. I am going to do things that make me a better person in general…not just because a magic number pops up. I will see progress in how my clothes fit and how I feel. The scale is not the end all be all. 

 

I will stop nagging myself to death about how and what I eat. I will eat breakfast and lunch and dinner and NOT skip meals in the hope that I will have a better number. I will track what I eat but I will not worry about sticking to the calorie count more than I worry about my bank account. I will eat things I know are good for me and just let the rest be. 

 

I am going to strive to be happier with myself and stop being such a critic. I would never speak to someone else the way I do to myself and that is not acceptable. I am a good person, a kind person, and I am not my weight or my fat. Those things are just small parts of the person I actually am. 

 

So no scale for the next couple of weeks and we will see how I feel. No skipped meals and no punishing myself with exercise. Exercise is meant to be a benefit…not a punishment. 

 

I will just Let it Be.