Why Mothers Stay Up Late There are pretty accurate representations of my life right now. This mom gets it. I have been feeling so "touched out" and tired. I have been checked out mentally because I just can't seem to wrap my head around just who I am anymore.
I know that I am Kyra's Mama and I love that.
I know that I am Robert's wife and I love that too.
I'm also a daughter and a sister. But there is still me in here somewhere and I am working to find her again. I need to remember that that Mom Guilt is just something I need to ignore. I'm human and I am allowed to be. Some days I forget that.
Good Morning Everyone, It's time for Confession! I confess that I am still attempting to recover from the weekend. I love having friends over, playing games, and being busy, but since I'm also highly introverted these things take a massive toll on me. After four days of people and all of yesterday cleaning up the aftermath, I just kind of want to lie in bed all day and be quiet.
I confess that while that may be what I want to do it isn't what I will actually get to do. One of the hardest parts of being a Mom for me is that I'm always "on". Kyra still needs me to be her mom and take care of her even if all I want to do is switch off for the day. It's just not an option.
I confess that this year at Ren Fest was probably one of my least favorite. It wasn't the festivals fault by any means. I just foolishly underestimated the drama of my two year old. Kyra wasn't bad really, she was just a kid, but I was frustrated and disappointed that I missed out on pretty much everything I wanted to do because she needed me. Sure my husband tried to help but Kyra wasn't having that. She only wanted me. She wanted me to carry her which is something I can't do for an extended period of time anymore because she is a wiggly two year old or she wanted me to pull her in the wagon which I didn't mind doing but she had a little melt down every time I stopped to look at something. I know that someone will be like "Well just get a babysitter!" but that wasn't an option and honestly I wanted her there initially so that we could have fun together.
I confess that I have been dealing with a LOT of mommy guilt lately. I have been feeling the need to take a break and do something just for me but the minute I suggest it...guilt. Guilt at not wanting to spend every minute with Kyra. Guilt at asking someone else to watch her for a little bit. Guilt because I am a Stay At Home Mom. I know that that some people think this is the life I chose so why am I complaining? If this is what I wanted then why do I need time away?
I confess that I'm frustrated with my vacuum. Lately I've noticed my it isn't working correctly. I'm not sure what is wrong but the suction isn't there. I cleaned it thoroughly and am now just waiting for the canister to air dry and hoping for the best...if that fails I will have to see if I can get it cleaned out with the air compressor.
I confess that even though all that is going on, I am so very happy that tomorrow is the first day of October. I love October. I love fall. I love Halloween. I love chilly weather. I am so ready for sweaters, cozy blankets and cups of cocoa!
That's it for me today. Be sure to join the linkup! Happy Humpday Everyone!
Morning Everyone, So my week is pretty much shaping up to be pretty....well crap. However after doing my heavy handed post yesterday where you all let me whine a bit I am here to bring a little humor to your Tuesday. I've decided to do a series of posts called Tuesday Tunes. I've done posts before with the title but I got to thinking about how much fun they are so I thought I would just go ahead and make it a series. Plus it makes it much easier to write posts that already have a theme. I need a little structure in my life. Anyhow I saw this post a while ago on Reddit and then it popped up again in my Facebook Feed. The video is just adorable and basically describes how I feel after a weekend of cleaning only to have my husband come home and just leave his dirty laundry all over the place, clutter up my table again, and leave dishes out for me this morning. Seriously he is worse than the one year old.... So here is the video, hope you all enjoy, Have a great Tuesday and join me back here for Confession Day tomorrow!
This morning I woke up in a blind panic thinking, "Crap! I'm late for work!" but then Kyra smacked me in the face with her foot and I realized, "Oh no I'm not. I'm at work....I'm always at work."
This weekend was deer hunting weekend at my husband's Mom and Step-Dad's. Which means my husband left on Friday and now it is Monday morning and he is still not home. Sure he sat out in the cold for hours and all that jazz....but he did it out of fun. He got a whole weekend away from responsibilities...I want to not be jealous as he does it every year but...damn I could use a weekend away. So without the hubs around commenced a "girls weekend"....aka Kyra and me. Friday wasn't too bad. My parents had some errands to run and invited us along. I can actually get some shopping done when there are two other people there to distract Kyra. Especially my parents because she would rather be with them than me anyway. Saturday was a day of chores. Laundry, general cleaning, and trying to keep Kyra out of mischief. My whole family ended up getting really sick so we didn't go visit them the rest of the weekend. Mom has the flu, brother has a cold, and Dad broke out in hives. So basically it was just Kyra and me all day. She thought it was fun....I mostly just felt exhausted because I can't count the number of times I had to say: "Don't Touch That!" "No!" "Kyra please don't sit on the dog." "Kyra please don't do that" "Get that out of your mouth!" She did take a nap however and I got a lot of work done on the scarf that I am knitting. It is my first knitting project and it is just a scarf for myself but...I'm really slow. However I am really proud of how it is turning out and I will be sure to share it with you all once it is finished! Sunday was more of the same. Laundry, cleaning...blah blah. Also my dog Brian has now decided since my husband is out of town he can get on the furniture. Um NO. Dog has no respect for me. My family was still sick except for Dad who had to work. So no visiting there. I did take Kyra out for an hour to run to the grocery store because they were having a sale on baking items and I needed flour. It was worth getting Kyra all geared up in winter clothes to score flour for .99 cents! Brown Sugar was also .99 cents and regular sugar was just a $1.29. Seriously you cannot pass up deals like that. Plus I was out of coffee....and no one wants that. Now it is Monday...my husband isn't home yet and probably won't be until later this afternoon. Kyra had me up at five after the face kicking incident....so I've already mopped the floors and dusted this morning. Now I am sipping coffee, listening to my neighbors fight while their two year old screams, watching Kyra grind Cheez Its into my carpet, and dreaming of the vacation I'm going to take someday....somewhere where the tub is deep enough to cover both your boobs and your knees at the same time....that's the dream I tell ya.
So tomorrow Kyra will be 10 months old but I am posting today because I usually take the weekends off from blogging. This weekend will be a good one since it is my Dad's birthday on Sunday!
So here is what Kyra is up to!
New Developments:
Standing on her own- She did this for the first time on March 27th but now has done it several times and for longer periods of time! Four teeth on top and two on bottom
Crawling under the dining room table and under the chairs, it looks like she is training to avoid lasers or something.....like in that movie Entrapment....
New words- Pa Pa, Grandma-ma, Dog, Up, Hi, Bye
Loves:
String Cheese
Chicken
Applesauce
Being chased around the house (she gets so excited and tries to crawl faster usually leading to her falling on her belly and laughing hysterically)
Dancing and Music
Her Llama toy, This Giant Bear her daddy got her, and a Cadbury Bunny that clucks like a chicken
Not as fond of:
Naps or bedtime
Her crib
Being told "no" or being picked up when she has gotten into something she should not (aka Dog Food Bowls. I actually watched her climb into the water bowl when I hadn't picked it up yet and sit in the middle of it.....she's a character)
Yes this post is getting up a lot later than I would like but honestly after the morning I have had....ugh.
Anyhow as I was reading the blogs I ran across Mama Laughlin's post on her transition from working mom to SAHM and I fell in love with her statement. Being a mom is hard. Working mom, SAHM, adoptive mom....being a mother is hard.
My little darling is only 9 months old but in those 9 months and the 38 weeks it took to grow her, I became a different person. I am still me, but I am changed.
I never dreamed I could love a little human being so much. I never knew I would care so deeply about someone or that I would utterly forget myself at times.
When Kyra came along I had had every intention of returning to work....but after 12 weeks of maternity leave, three ten hour days back at the job, crying when I dropped her off at my parents and texting my dad eleventy billion times an hour.....I realized that it was not for me. I was sick, miserable, and I missed my baby. Also I was not working a job that I particularly loved. I loved my co workers but I did not love the job itself. So I made the decision that I was going to stay home with my baby.
It was hard. Our budget was cut in half. I had/have no money to just go blow on whatever I want. There are weeks that I never leave my house. There are days that I don't get to have an actual conversation with an adult, either because there isn't one around or because I can't have one without being interrupted. I never mind the interruptions but not everyone feels the same way.
I realize a lot of people think that I just sit around all day. To which I say, come stay with me a day and then tell me how you feel. Then I say, "Why are you judging me? What is wrong with my decision? It in no way effects you...."
You see I think being a mom is something pretty amazing. Not just because you have a little person in your life that you love more than you ever thought possible, but because it transforms you. Suddenly you are capable of so much. You run the house, you take care of this little life, you might be a wife, worker, you are still someone's daughter or sister. You have to think of a million little things in advance but still manage to forget where you put your keys....
It's a tough job and one that not every woman gets the opportunity to enjoy.
So why are moms so mean to other moms?
I'm not sure why the judgement happens. I personally cannot judge. I see a working mom and think, "Man she is amazing. How does she do it? Work so hard and still come home and smile and play with her babies when you know she is bone tired?"
I see a SAHM and think "My gosh she's got everyone dressed and out today! Rock on Mama! How does she do it with three kids?! I have one and still managed to forget something...."
I never judge if a mom has a messy house. I know because mine is constantly in a state of transition.
I never judge if a mom picking up her kids from a daycare, she's supporting her family and this is probably the best part of her day, picking them up and seeing them all happy to see her.
My heart hurts for the moms that have no choice and leave their babies every day to work when they, like me, would rather be at home.
I don't know why moms are so mean to each other. Why are we judging one another? We are all just trying to do the very best for our children. Why not support one another?
So I will put this out there, if you are a needing some support, if you are a working mom or a SAHM and need someone to talk to, I'm here, message me any time. I will not judge you, being a mom is hard, no matter which way you look at it....and no one but other moms understand it. We are in this together ladies!
Big hugs from me, and a little laugh for you in the video!
