Welcome back to Hot Mama Monday!
If you are new Hot Mama Monday is where I wax on about my attempts to lose weight and get fit. It sometimes involves pictures and will eventually lead to me revealing what I actually weigh (I am not ready for this yet, but the picture is sitting in my files for the day that I am) and hopefully many weigh ins afterward with numbers that are headed in the downward direction.
Today I am going to talk about my history of weight loss and basically what brings me up to the point I am now. I figured since there are some new faces coming to the blog that you might be interested in my story. I know I always love to read the "bios" if you will of bloggers!
So here is my story.....
The first time I ever felt fat was in the fifth grade. I had started getting a little chubby in the fourth grade but was blissfully unaware of it until the fifth grade. I remember we all had to go to the nurse's office to be weighed and measured FOR SOME REASON. I have no idea what bearing that had on school but we all had to do it so I lined up with the others to await my turn. Now by then I knew that the scale was something most women hated. Not from my mom, but from TV and stuff. Being fat was bad and fat was what you were when the numbers were too high.
The nurse was calling out the numbers for everyone to the teacher who was writing them down in a little book. I listened as the numbers all sounded the same, several of the girls were right around 98 to 108 pounds, a few were a little higher, a few snickers came when the first girl hit 120 even more when a couple others were 130....then it was my turn...136. My heart just sank, I sat down among my friends and felt ashamed. My number was bigger. But I was a good student! I had straight A's! I did everything that anyone asked of me....why was my number bigger? Other girls went and it turned out that I was pretty much right in the middle weight wise as there were girls that were bigger than that, none of us fat, just a little chubby as you know CHILDREN are....still I was hurt that I had failed somehow.
That was my first encounter with the emotional roller coaster, maybe it was my initiation as I stepped onto a ride that I would continue to be on years. I'm still on it.....
The next big weight point in my life was when I was the summer before 7th grade. I had overheard my parents talking about how I was chunky and I felt sad that I had failed them again. It was bad to be chunky, all the good girls were skinny and smart. I had the smart thing down. I spent hours reading books and I still had really good grades, but I was failing to be skinny. I spent that summer on a diet. My mom helped me along and I lost a good amount of weight. I went back to school feeling great that I had finally succeeded. I lost weight! I was good again! But alas...like so many times to follow after...it was not to last.
By Freshman year I had put weight back on again. Not a lot, but enough that I felt way bigger than the other girls. My mom told me I had to join a team, that I needed to be more athletic. I hate sweat. I hate being dirty, but I agreed and tried out for the dance team. I didn't make it and thus spent Freshman year feeling pretty aimless, but by the end of the year I joined the Cheerleading team and that summer was going to be an eye opener.
Cheer was the best part of high school. I loved the uniforms, I loved being part of a team (even if we fought all the time because high school girls are the source of all drama...) and I lost weight because we worked our butts off trying to be the best little cheerleaders you have ever seen. By Senior year I looked pretty awesome and felt amazing. I was again at that 136 which by high school was a great number to be, by the end of the year I had a boyfriend, I was going to college, and I was down to 130. The world was mine for the taking.
(Me the beginning of Freshman year of College)
Then came college. I didn't realize it at the time, or maybe I was in denial, but I really hated it. Sure I loved meeting all the new people and my BEST friends in the world are people I met in college. However the classes were ridiculous and had nothing to do with what I wanted to do. I hated being forced to take a class on something that had NOTHING to do with my major. "Electives" hah! College eating through all my money on classes that I didn't need. I became frustrated, and of course food became a comfort and a bit of a burden. I didn't like to go out much because weight had started to creep on again. I couldn't fit into my college clothes anymore and suddenly all I wanted to do was sit in my room or sneak downstairs to the dining hall, grab a baked potato and hide out watching movies.
By the end of Freshman year of college, I had packed on 50 pounds.
The summer after I lost a little with the help of my mom, but again Sophomore year was pretty much the same frustration as the year before. I couldn't find where I belonged and my major seemed like a joke. Also I shattered my ankle and had to spend six months in a boot, no physical activity AT ALL. Suck much.
Junior year was a joke and by the end of the year I was living off campus, fat, and more interested in my job than school. So I quit. Some days I regret it....most days I just regret that I didn't do it sooner. College is not for everyone, and is for sure not for someone who has no idea what they want to do....
The next few years were a blur of me fighting with my weight, working, and in general just kind of "hanging out". I know that at one pointed I joined Jenny Craig and they weighed me. I was 217 pounds, I never went back in again. I was too ashamed.
Finally in 2010 I had had enough and moved back home.
Back home I got a job I liked and was happy. My boyfriend of 8 years by then proposed on Christmas morning and everything felt so awesome!!!
With a wedding coming soon I knew I had to start losing weight. I stepped on the scale and found myself at 230 pounds. I went on to lose weight and when I got married in May 2012 I was weighing in at 160. I was so happy and felt amazing.
(Me and the Hubs, Feb 2012)
(16 weeks pregnant)
(28 weeks pregnant)
(38 weeks pregnant, She was born two days later!)
Every Monday I will come back here to the blog and update my progress. I will post my weight once I am finally ready...right now it is just a little bit to painful to put those numbers up here. I will get there though, some day.
So there you have it, my VERY long winded story about how this has been a lifelong struggle for me...it probably always will be, but I am ready to take this thing head on, to make more good choices than bad, so if you are interested to see just what happens in my story please continue to follow along, and if you are are in the middle of your own story let me know! I'm an awesome cheerleader!
As always BIG HUGS to you all! Happy Monday!
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