Not so Hot Mama Monday

Good Morning Everyone,


Apologies for the MIA status on the blog the past few days. Lots of things going on around here, which I am not going to get into on the blog.

Anyhow today is Hot Mama Monday, which if you are new here is the day that I share my weight loss progress, if there is any.

I am not feeling so hot everyone. In fact I am feeling decidedly UN-hot. Got on the scale this morning and I'm not happy. I knew I wasn't going to be, my eating has been HORRIBLE. I just keep stuffing my face lately. Maybe it is being snowed in, maybe it is because I am frustrated with other aspects of life and am emotional eating, whatever it is.

I will be straight up honest, I am GAINING. Why?!?!?!?!?

I am so frustrated. I see others posting up their progress pictures and I am so happy for them but also so intensely jealous. Why can't I do this? Why is it always me crying in the fitting rooms, me staring at a plate of food sadly wondering just when I lost control.....what is it going to take to get me to get it together?

I feel like a fraud.

I feel like a fool.

But most of all I just feel helpless and lost. Ugh that is is pathetic sounding. Pity party for one anyone?

Anyhow I told you all I would be real with you and maybe some of you feel the same way I do....maybe some of you get how hard and awful this is and feel like you lack that discipline and control. Or maybe you are reading this and rolling your eyes thinking "oh good gravy this is not that hard....just stop shoving things in your cakehole!"

Either way there it is out in the open.

So today I am writing down the horrid number from the scale. I am eating my sensible breakfast and making plans for the rest of the week to be sensible as well. I won't give up, that is not what the post is about, I don't have it in me to quit!

I just feel frustrated that I still seem to be crappy at this even though it's been years of up and down, you would think I would have the pattern down by now so I could lose and not gain....but sadly no. I don't know if I will ever get the pattern or if I will always battle this way.....

I know I want to be at my goal weight by my 30th birthday....I still have time....I can still make it....there is still hope....right?

Boo to this Monday post....maybe tomorrow will be better.