Shelf Love

Welcome back to the monthly book linkup. I actually managed to do this one ahead of time and schedule it so hello from the past!

Here's what I've been reading.....


Kate Daniels Series Continued- I won't go on about this too much but I'm continuing through the Kate Daniels Series and loving each book more and more. I will say there was a bit a fit thrown when I realized as I was reading what I thought was the next book in the series only to find out there was a novella that had key information that came before the book but was never mentioned. This is what happens when you come to a series late. The books are awesome however and anyone that likes modern fantasy should check them out. 10/10.

Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes- Again I'm late to the party. I know most people have read this already but I finally got around to it and I'm really glad that I did. The basic concept is simple enough, saying yes to things that make you uncomfortable and getting new life experiences out of them but the big takeaway I got from this is that while saying "yes" to everything she finally started saying "yes" to herself as well. Also this was hilariously written (I mean come on Shonda KNOWS writing) but I highly recommend the audio book because she actually reads it and it is awesome when author's read their own stories. If you are looking for a little self help without it being 'self help' check this one out...unless of course I'm the last person on earth to read it which is totally possible.

Be sure to join the linkup.

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Writer's Write, Right?

I didn't do NaNoWriMo this year.

I've done it every year.

I don't always finish. I know for a fact the first year with Kyra I didn't finish that story until much much later. But I did at least sign up and for the first few days or weeks I would write.

I didn't do it this year.

I didn't read the emails.

I didn't prep in October.

I didn't get that happy butterfly feeling on Halloween that at midnight I would start and write at least the very first sentence like I do every year.

At Midnight on Halloween I was awake but not writing. I was giving Ty a bottle and watching an old rerun of Chopped with the volume all the way down praying that he would go to sleep soon so that I could crawl back into bed and hopefully sleep for an hour or two before he woke up again.

I actually forgot about NaNoWriMo until someone on Instagram posted their daily word count Friday.

"Oh. I guess it is November." I said this and put the phone down and got back to folding the laundry.

I've wanted to be a writer since I was 10. I just knew I had stories in me and I just knew that someday my name would be on a book as the author. I knew it was going to happen. It hasn't...yet.

But writer's write. They sit down and they write. They think about writing. The worry about writing. Then they actually put words down.

I haven't been doing the word part.

I dream about writing. I make mental notes about characters and scenes and possible plot twists. I read books and re-imagine the scenes telling them my way.

But I don't write.

My time is divided now with being a mom to a 5 month old and a 5 year old. With being a wife. With being in charge of the household because let's face it most wives are whether you work or stay at home you are the force that keeps the other humans around you running and surviving. Still it feels like an excuse.

Writer's write.

But I haven't been.

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Stay At Home-Alone-Mom

I'm a Stay at Home Mom. I'm really proud of that because it means I'm able to see all the little moments my kids have. I saw all of Kyra's firsts and I will get to see all of Ty's. I'm also saving a ton of money because child care around here is astronomical rightly so watching people's children is a big deal and if I were to have someone watch them I would want someone with qualifications and that means paying more, but I'm saving the money and getting to spend time with my kids. Being a Stay at Home Mom is a really awesome gig most days. The thing is....

I underestimated how lonely this would be.

My whole day is spent with the kids or kid now that Kyra is in school. There are no other adults around. Also I don't get much time to chat online with other adults because Ty is an infant and infants do not have any concept of time and schedules or Mommy's need to interact with someone who speaks. When Kyra does get home it is a rush of homework, snack, keeping her entertained while I make dinner and care for the baby, and then the whole bath time, bed time, clean up the mess routine before I finally attempt to sleep a couple hours before the baby is awake.

The thing is I've never really been lonely. I'm pretty content on my own 99% of the time.....but now I'm pretty much alone 99.9% of the time.

I listen to a lot of audio books and podcasts now just to feel like there is someone else in the room.

Now my husband does come home and he helps...sorta. He works long hours and even when he is home he is working so our conversations are pretty minimal. He wants to complain about work and I feel drained just hearing it all while doing all the things I have to do to keep the house running. He means well and he'd probably do more but the time it would take to explain how to do it right I could just do it myself. Type A personality anyone?

People will ask, "What about your friends?" Well my friends live hundreds of miles away and are childless so our lives are at different points right now.

"What about your 'mom' friends?" I don't have any. Making mom friends is hard because we all parent differently. Making mom friends is hard because there is a big age gap between me and the moms with kids my kids age. There is also a decent sized age gap between my kids, by today's standards, and that makes it hard too. Also I suck at making friends. I need friends that I can see once every few months and it still feel normal. I get bogged down in the day to day and I'm no good at gossip or talking about 'normal' things. I'm weird and always have been.

"Why don't you go out? Get out of the house and make a run to Target? That's a mom thing to do." Yeah I do that sometimes, but my car is in the shop again and has been for weeks and that leaves me exactly here, stuck, which is what opened my eyes to the whole 'this is not what I expected' thing.

I realize that may seem silly to some. I mean I chose this life. I wanted to be here with my kids all the time. I love being with my kids. This isn't about them. This is about me. I'm lonely and the only thing I can think to do is write about it. So here I am. Back to my poor neglected blog pouring out feelings while the baby takes a nap that will probably only last 45 minutes and ignoring the mess from this morning's chaos of getting everyone fed and dressed and out the door.

I don't know where I'm going with this, I guess I just needed to get it out there into the void. So there it is, I underestimated how lonely this would be.

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