There is
one hour of my day that is the most difficult hour to get through. It’s the
hour after I get home from work. This hour is usually the time when all the
good things I’ve done through the day, the eating well, the focusing on my
goals, the keeping it together, everything just falls apart. I suddenly feel
the urge to eat anything and everything in the house and I get frustrated when
I have purposefully not stocked the house with “snack” items. There are no
cookies in the pantry, no pint of ice cream in my freezer, no chips; there is
very little junk food in my house. I do this on purpose because I know what
will happen if those things are there. I will binge eat them and I won’t
register that I am full until half the contents are gone and then I am sick and
have gone way over my calorie limit.
I used
to think this was just weakness on my part. I just couldn’t handle eating well,
I couldn’t keep myself away from these foods, the foods were stronger than I. I
felt like a failure. The being constantly hungry the minute that I walk in the
door felt like the end of the world. I couldn’t control it and when I would
fight off the urge I would just beat myself up for being so weak. Even without
the junk food I was still falling into a trap…and an unhealthy one at that.
So
finally, finally, finally, last week a thought came to me. Well why do I feel
like this in the first place? What am I not dealing with??
Well
there’s an eye opener. Could it be that I was eating emotionally? Was there
something that triggered the sudden need for comfort in food? (Food has been my
go to for comfort for a long time, something I am still working on) What was I
avoiding, what didn’t I want to feel?
Well I
came up with some answers that surprised me, and thankfully I do have some
solutions in mind!
1)
I
am currently on ten hour days and am exhausted by the time I get home and more
than a little hungry (like actually hungry): Solution: Put a mid afternoon
snack in at about 3pm. I am good about a mid morning snack but the afternoons
are busy and I forget, I need to stop forgetting!
2)
I
am overwhelmed by the clutter on my dining room table- I didn’t even really
think about this until my subconscious decided to clue me in. My husband uses
the dining room table for work two days a week and it is also the catch all for
mail and other random papers that seem to be reproducing like bunnies in our
home. It stresses me out to see a mess the minute I walk in the door and I want
to purge things desperately but I cannot get rid of his important work stuff
which unfortunately I don’t know what qualifies as important or not. Solution:
Filing station, I am going to get a set of file holders and put them up in the
dining room and ask my husband ever so nicely if he will keep up with them, or
else I will just start putting anything that isn’t mine into box for him. Also
I will use the mail divider that we received for our wedding for bills and
important documents. I will also get all my stuff divided out and labeled.
3)
Lack
of planning- I literally never know what we are having for dinner. I am
terrible at meal planning and I loathe it when the first question I hear is “What
do you want for dinner?” Solution: Stop complaining and sit down and actually
meal plan. I may not like to do it and I may not be that great at it, but like
doing a budget it is something that is crucial to a happy home.
Now
that I have identified some of my triggers and actually have solutions planned
I hope that the scary hour will turn out to be a lot less scary. Also I have
started working out right after work in order to get that last little bit of
energy I have going so that once I shower I am done and can feel completely
content with just doing a few little chores, eating dinner, and then relaxing
the rest of my evening. This will turn all those negative thoughts away because
all I will think about is how awesome it was that I worked out and how much
stronger I will get if I keep going. Gotta turn those negatives to positives! I
will not hate my body; I will not punish it or myself. I will be thankful that
each day it does what I ask it to without complaint. I am only human and I will
make mistakes, but as long as I am trying then I have a reason to be proud.
