It's all a mess.

I come back to blogging all the time.

A new post! Here we are! Changes! New Things! I'm here for good this time!

Yeah I do this all the time. And then nothing. Vanish. Poof. I fail.

Because it's all a mess.

My house is in shambles still from Christmas. I have things that still aren't out of boxes yet. The decor is all nicely put away...but there is still....STUFF....everywhere.....

I started to move the kids' room around to put them together and I have a changing table living in my hallway now because I can't move it alone and the weather has been awful here so I haven't had a lot of company.

I started to Konmari my clothes and while my drawers look very nice I dread laundry now because I'm thinking about having to thank my clothes and fold them properly so they can go in the drawers...so instead they live in the laundry basket or they get hanged in the closet that is overflowing with not my clothes, not my kid's clothes, my HUSBAND'S clothes. Office jobs require lots of blazers and slacks and long sleeves apparently. I dunno my clothes are a mishmash of whatever I can fit into with this post baby body and the few nice things I wear when I have to leave the house.

Children's toys have taken over.

My vacuum broke.

I have a 7 month old who is teething and a 5 year old that is learning new sight words so she asks what every word she sees is and I'm so happy to be with them and cuddle them and help them learn but you can't really do that and do the other stuff too.

I come to the computer and I see assignments I should be doing instead of blogging.

I feel like I'm in a spiral. It's a messy spiral of chaos and clutter and crazy.

So yeah....I suck at blogging. I suck at coming here and putting words down that make sense and while I can easily rehash a popular post and basically "fill in the blanks" I feel like that is a cheat and who would what to read that anyway?

So I'll be here. I'm reading your posts. I'm commenting when I can because Disqus hates my guts. But I'm here...in the mess of it all....and I'm sorting it all out.

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Back to Blogging....And Some Changes?

I've missed blogging but I feel like the only thing I talk about is my kids.

Can I talk about just my kids?

I've missed blogging but I feel like no one cares.

Can I still come here and talk even though no one is going to read it?

I've missed blogging but what can I add to the conversation that isn't already out there?

Can I write even if my words aren't revolutionary?

So yeah that's what's been going on in my head this past month. I want to come back to this space. So much so that I even updated the look of the blog on the down low just to see if that sparked something in me....and maybe to see if anyone else was out there reading. I feel the need to connect to someone out there outside of the mom bubble I've been living in but honestly.....all I do is mom stuff. It's an endless wheel at the moment and I had forgotten just how hard it is to have a new baby in the house. Kyra has been pretty self sufficient for a while now and I forgot what it was like to have someone depend on you for literally there EVERY NEED. It's a tough job and an all consuming one at times.

Then Kyra started school and that comes with a whole new set of changes and challenges.

Then everyone that I have in my support system is working. Literally all of them. All the time. Everyone is busy every.single.day. So I'm on my own with just one or both of the kids for nearly 12 hours a day. Every day. I'm in bed by 8:30 pm. I'm a night owl this is freakish for me. But if I want to be able to get up and function at 5 am after being up at least 3 times during the night with the baby and to pump then I have to. Then Kyra goes to school and it's just me and Ty and I take care of chores and work and blah blah blah and then it is 3 pm and Kyra is home and I'm busy with her after school stuff and then it's dinner time and boom....8:30 again. Endless wheel.

So I'm coming here. Back to writing. Back to blogging. Back to something that feels like me. Something that is just mine.

That being said it's going to be different because I am different. I've changed and so the blog must change along with me.

So I'm sending this out into the void. I have no idea if anyone reads here anymore but that's okay. I just need my words to go somewhere. I just need them out of my head so they can stop tumbling around in there all day on repeat. So out into the void I whisper.....is this thing on?

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