My small mountain

 

Today would have been my due date. 

I wasn't sure what I should do about the date. It feels like a small mountain I have to climb and get past. Part of me wants to just let it slip by but it is going to be on my mind anyhow....honestly it is always on my mind. 

The baby that isn't. 

The thing is, after a miscarriage everyone is supportive....until they are over it. Then they expect you to be over it as well.

 It just doesn't happen like that. 

I still think about it daily. I still cry once in a while. I still grieve though I do so more often than not on my own. 

My husband grieves but mostly because he hates to see me hurting. He endured a lot that night too and I know he supports me in every way...but it isn't the same thing for him. 

I still ache. 

I really try not to talk about it but sometimes it slips past my lips and I can see how uncomfortable it makes people. I know they don't want to think about it. I know they want me to get over it and move past it.

I get that but it still makes me angry too. I lost a baby...I'm allowed to be sad. I'm allowed to talk if I need to....
 
So today I'm just a little sadder. I wish there was a birthday to celebrate instead of a loss. But I will carry on, that's what mother's do.