Coping

I wasn't sure when I would want to blog again.

However blogging has been on my mind a lot this past week.

Actually pretty much anything that I could find as a distraction has been on my mind.

I have to find things to do in order to keep from dwelling on what happened.

I get that some might find this odd or whatever but honestly I have to keep busy or else I run the risk of falling into a pit of misery and I'm terrified of how deep that pit is....and I don't know if there is a ladder out of it.

So I'm trying to stay busy.

I'm writing, coloring, baking, knitting, online shopping, watching movies, surfing Instagram, surfing Pinterest...basically anything anything at all.

That's how I'm coping.

I can't say if it is the right way or the healthy way, but it is is MY way of dealing.

I'm still crying. I'm still mourning. I'm still so incredibly suffocatingly sad.

I'm drowning in sadness....but I have to keep going.

Kyra needs me. Robert needs me. The world is still turning and even though this happened I have to still be apart of it.

So Thank You so very much to everyone that sent well wishes and good thoughts. I really do appreciate it.

Hollow

I didn't know if I was going to write this post.

I wasn't even sure if I could.

However as usual writing is the only thing I can do when I can't express things out loud. Also I will probably be away from the blog for a while....I'm not sure how long....and I wanted you all to know why it is that I'm not around.

On Monday night....I lost the baby.

Everything was fine...and then it wasn't. It isn't.

I feel hollowed out inside. That is the only description that really describes it.

Emotionally I feel....numb. I have a lot of questions that I know will never be answered. I have a lot of pain that I know will never properly heal.

I'm not really ready to talk about everything yet. I'm sure that will be something that I will eventually have to write out in the future but right now....right now I can't.

Everything was fine...and then it wasn't.

And I will never know why.

Some Monday Motivations

Good Morning Everyone, 

Normally I would be posting my weekend recap today but my weekend consisted of binge watching Big Bang Theory followed by an epic Lord of the Rings Marathon. It was only 9 degrees yesterday so we weren't leaving the house. Needless to say there isn't much to talk about! 

So instead I thought I would share some motivational quotes for this Monday Morning especially since I'm feeling them now that I have finally shaken my cold and am ready to get caught up on all the things that fell behind while I was sick!

Let's get Motivated. 

Have a great Monday Everyone!

Friday Favorites 1/8

Good Morning Everyone, 

So this post is going up super late and I didn't get a post up yesterday because I have literally been EXHAUSTED. I'm not even joking. Not like "super tired" or even "super lazy" just EXHAUSTED. I literally feel like I can barely get anything done without having to sit down or rest. I also just randomly fell asleep on the couch yesterday. Like one minute I was awake and watching Kyra play and the next I was waking up without any idea of how much time had passed. Kyra was still happily playing so I'm guessing it wasn't that long but man it freaked me out. 

Apparently however this is totally normal. When I was pregnant with Kyra I remember being tired but never to this extent. I'm hoping it will pass soon. 

Anyhow now that you are updated let's get on with the Friday Favorites! 


Beauty: 

Nerdy Girl: 

 

Funnies: 

 

That's it for me this week, hopefully next week I will get it together and not be so exhausted! Have a great weekend everyone!

Confessions- First of 2016

I confess that I haven't really gotten much done in the New Year since I've had a sick kiddo and then got sick myself. I feel pretty awful about it honestly...though I don't know why. 

I confess that while I didn't make any resolutions myself I have really enjoyed reading other people's. It's inspiring and I'm sitting here cheering you all on! 

I confess that I've been spending a lot of time trying to decide what it is that I want this blog to be this year. I want to have a little bit of focus but I have no idea what to focus on. Anything in particular you all like here on the blog? I'm open to all suggestions. 

I confess that while I'm not a planner girl I am a lover of bullet journals. I have my own in just a normal journal but I am hoping to take the plunge and get either a Leuchtturm 1917 or a Moleskine very soon....if I ever get out of the house again. 

I confess that it took me about four hours to do these five confessions because I kept either getting sick or nodding off so I'm just gonna call it quits. 

Happy Humpday Everyone.

My stages of sickness

This post comes to you late in the day because I am in fact...sick. 

It's just a cold and I know that I got it from Kyra who was sick with it just a few days ago but now she is feeling a million times better and I'm the one that is down and out. Thankfully she got about a million new movies for Christmas so she is happily entertained while I lay here in a germ haze on the couch trying to motivate myself into doing something. This blog is that something today.

Since I am sick I would share with you the stages of sickness. Fun huh? 

I wake up....(it always happens in the morning first thing....) 

 Throat feels scratchy. HOT TEA. I need HOT TEA. 

Oh god I cannot breathe out of my left nostril. Where is the Vicks?! 

 Is it cold in here? Where are the blankets? I'm hungry....

What is that wheezing noise? Is....is it coming from me????

*Sneeze*Hack*Cough*  Where are the tissues???? HOW DID WE USE UP TWO BOXES OF TISSUES IN TWO DAYS??

Well....the hot tea and grilled cheese was nice going down but apparently Morning Sickness had other ideas. Now feel like a hollowed out pumpkin. 

Kyra: Mommy sick? I kiss it. All better? -----She is the absolute sweetest. 

Hope you all have a great (and germ free) day today. 

Weekend Recap: The First one (of 2016)

Good Morning Everyone,

Well here we are in the new year and I'll just let you know it's been interesting.

First off 2015 decided to end on a bummer note. I fell while walking the dog and messed up my knees pretty badly.

Yeah....ouch.

Then we spent the evening taking care of Kyra who caught a really bad cold. Poor thing was just miserable.

Still gave Mom a little smile though.

We watched silly movies, Robert tried out his new deep fryer, and drank sparkling grape juice out of fancy glasses.


New Year's day was really quiet as well. We watched some silly movies and continued to take care of our sick little lady. It was a napping kind of day. I did catch up on blogs and comments because I was nearly a week behind! Apologies if I took forever to reply to you all!


Saturday: We decided to take down all the Christmas decor. This was probably the earliest I have ever taken them down but this year I was just ready. I needed the space and I was just ready to put it all away. It feels really nice to have it all done! 

While we were cleaning it seems that Kiya managed to catch a parrot or perhaps a flamingo.

Sunday: Another pretty quiet day. The sickness finally found it's way to me and Kyra and I spent the better part of the morning coughing. So we watched movies and relaxed. Robert and I did play one of the new games that we got for Christmas and basically we just stayed in and took it easy. 

I realize that probably sounds like a pretty boring weekend but honestly I didn't mind too much. I do wish that the sickness hadn't happened but I am glad that this first weekend was just our little family spending time together! 

Hope everyone had a good weekend and a lovely New Years. 

Welcome back to Monday.

Hello 2016

It's a New Year. 

I suppose this is supposed to be the post about resolutions, goals, etc. 

However I only have one real goal for the year. 

To be grateful for the things I have and embrace my happiness. 

2016 is going to be a big year. 

We have a new little one on the way. 

Bobby got the promotion he so rightfully deserved. 

We are so very lucky. 

So I resolve to remember how lucky I am. 

To find my happiness in the life I have. 

To remember how far I've come to reach this point. 

To look forward to all the year has in store for me. 

 

 

 Happy New Year Everyone.