#ShareYourUgly

Good Morning Everyone,

This was not the post scheduled for today but ever since Jana posted this hashtag last week and made her blog post about it I've been thinking about it. Also yesterday was absolutely a mess. Actually it was beyond mess...it was...awful. 

So instead of the post I originally had I'm going to instead share my ugly with you.

I am so overwhelmed and I feel like an absolute failure as a person and adult. I feel this on an almost daily basis anymore.

I have a stack of papers on a shelf that need to be gone through. Most likely they are bills that I will have to decide who gets paid and who goes without this month. 

I have a dishwasher that has been broken for two years and a landlord that gives no fucks about it. It's basically just a drying rack now. 

My living room is a mess of toys and crayon wrappers. I haven't vacuumed since last Thursday. 

My bedroom looks like a bomb went off. My husband just throws his clothes wherever he feels like and they are all over. Kyra's papers are all over the floor. Also about 12 balls of yarn are scattered around from where Kyra got into them a week ago and I haven't gotten around to picking them up. 

The carpet leading downstairs is torn apart and pretty much ruined because Luna got bored one day and now it is in shreds. 

There are cobwebs hanging from my ceiling that I cannot reach. 

I'm having a garage sale this weekend and Kyra's birthday party the following weekend and I'm not prepared for either. Not physically prepared or mentally prepared. I kinda just wanna lay down and cry. 

Kyra had an accident in her car seat yesterday and I have no idea how to remove the lining so I can wash it. Can I wash it? My car smells. 

Speaking of my car I need new tires, I need to take it in to be checked over as it is having issues, I can't afford to do either. 

My eyebrows are so hairy scary that I don't even want to look at my face. 

Summertime always brings out my worst fears and loathing of my body. I hate the heat. I hate the clothes. I wish I could live in a parka and pajama pants. 

I have exactly 2 girlfriends in my life and one is halfway across the country and the other is halfway across the state. I'm so lonely. I have no one to share any of my fears and doubts with. 

I am so drained from this past weekend that I don't want to do anything. I don't want to talk, I don't want to move, I just want to lie in bed and sleep. I can't do these things. I have a little girl that needs my attention, I have a house that is in shambles, and since I'm the one that chose to stay home...it's apparently ALL my responsibility. I feel like a failure for even thinking that anyone should help me....


So there you have it. All the ugly that is going on in my head, in my life, behind the blog. I try to keep it cheerful here and I try to keep it light but honestly after reading Jana's post I just wanted to put these things out there so that others know...it's not always cheerful and light. I'm not always a little ball of sunshine and smiles....even if that is what other people want me to be. 

So I encourage you to join in. #ShareYourUgly