What are your life goals?

This question was posed to me recently. No it wasn't for a job interview or anything like that, in fact it was in reference to a D&D character that I had created for a game my brother is running.

Seriously.

And as I was coming up with my characters goals and motivations inevitably I started thinking about my own and I found myself just staring into space before admitting....I don't know.

Well that is horrifying and panic inducing.

I mean my life is a good life.

I have a good husband and two beautiful children. I am a stay at home mom which was important to me so that I would be there should my kids need me at any moment. I have a good family that I am close with and a place to live in and food on the table and all those blessings we take for granted on the daily.

But what were my goals?

I mean I have the usual goals:
To raise good humans who are compassionate and loving.
To eventually own a home
To make enough money to be comfortable.

These are good family goals but what about personally? What did I want for myself? More staring into space.

Well....shit. I'd totally lost sight of things that I wanted for just myself. To be fair the world does not encourage selfishness in mothers. There is a small movement for empowering them but honestly people will still give you the sideways look if you are doing something that isn't at least MOSTLY for your kids.

So what are my goals? Who do I want to be when I define me? Well here's what I have...
To write a book.
To work at a library again. (My favorite job I've ever had)
To be a woman comfortable in her own skin.
To care less what others think.
To have a monthly date night with my husband.

Nothing ground breaking sure but for now they will do. I'm still a little in the weeds when it comes to thinking about just what it is I want...and not getting bogged down but what I SHOULD want and what OTHERS want for me. So for now I'll just leave this little list here on the blog, alone and quiet as I whisper into the void....what it is I want?

So....yeah

Life has been super hard lately.

My dog passed away.

I got an unexpected flat that resulted in an unexpected expense of 2 new tires.

Depression and general misery took over making daily tasks hard.

My husband has been working 80 to 100 hours a week and we haven't seen much of each other.

The A/C died during the hottest month ever and I had to haul the kids to my parents' place for 3 days (not a huge deal since my parents were thrilled to have us there but their house is small and it gets real tight real quick.)

I've had a really hard time doing much more than surviving while trying to make sure that my family is doing well. To look at us from the outside things look just fine. The kids are happy and healthy and the house is clean and things are getting done...but honestly it is taking everything I have to do so.

So blogging was forgotten. Again.

Ugh I hate that I get inspired and things fall apart.

I hate that I want this so much but I AM NOT CONSISTENT.

I'm going to try to do better. I'm making a plan to write some posts this weekend and maybe get back on track.

Of course school is back in session in just a few weeks which will be a whole new can of worms.

I'm tired.