Shelf Love

Welcome back to the monthly book linkup. I actually managed to do this one ahead of time and schedule it so hello from the past!

Here's what I've been reading.....


Kate Daniels Series Continued- I won't go on about this too much but I'm continuing through the Kate Daniels Series and loving each book more and more. I will say there was a bit a fit thrown when I realized as I was reading what I thought was the next book in the series only to find out there was a novella that had key information that came before the book but was never mentioned. This is what happens when you come to a series late. The books are awesome however and anyone that likes modern fantasy should check them out. 10/10.

Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes- Again I'm late to the party. I know most people have read this already but I finally got around to it and I'm really glad that I did. The basic concept is simple enough, saying yes to things that make you uncomfortable and getting new life experiences out of them but the big takeaway I got from this is that while saying "yes" to everything she finally started saying "yes" to herself as well. Also this was hilariously written (I mean come on Shonda KNOWS writing) but I highly recommend the audio book because she actually reads it and it is awesome when author's read their own stories. If you are looking for a little self help without it being 'self help' check this one out...unless of course I'm the last person on earth to read it which is totally possible.

Be sure to join the linkup.

Writer's Write, Right?

I didn't do NaNoWriMo this year.

I've done it every year.

I don't always finish. I know for a fact the first year with Kyra I didn't finish that story until much much later. But I did at least sign up and for the first few days or weeks I would write.

I didn't do it this year.

I didn't read the emails.

I didn't prep in October.

I didn't get that happy butterfly feeling on Halloween that at midnight I would start and write at least the very first sentence like I do every year.

At Midnight on Halloween I was awake but not writing. I was giving Ty a bottle and watching an old rerun of Chopped with the volume all the way down praying that he would go to sleep soon so that I could crawl back into bed and hopefully sleep for an hour or two before he woke up again.

I actually forgot about NaNoWriMo until someone on Instagram posted their daily word count Friday.

"Oh. I guess it is November." I said this and put the phone down and got back to folding the laundry.

I've wanted to be a writer since I was 10. I just knew I had stories in me and I just knew that someday my name would be on a book as the author. I knew it was going to happen. It hasn't...yet.

But writer's write. They sit down and they write. They think about writing. The worry about writing. Then they actually put words down.

I haven't been doing the word part.

I dream about writing. I make mental notes about characters and scenes and possible plot twists. I read books and re-imagine the scenes telling them my way.

But I don't write.

My time is divided now with being a mom to a 5 month old and a 5 year old. With being a wife. With being in charge of the household because let's face it most wives are whether you work or stay at home you are the force that keeps the other humans around you running and surviving. Still it feels like an excuse.

Writer's write.

But I haven't been.

Stay At Home-Alone-Mom

I'm a Stay at Home Mom. I'm really proud of that because it means I'm able to see all the little moments my kids have. I saw all of Kyra's firsts and I will get to see all of Ty's. I'm also saving a ton of money because child care around here is astronomical rightly so watching people's children is a big deal and if I were to have someone watch them I would want someone with qualifications and that means paying more, but I'm saving the money and getting to spend time with my kids. Being a Stay at Home Mom is a really awesome gig most days. The thing is....

I underestimated how lonely this would be.

My whole day is spent with the kids or kid now that Kyra is in school. There are no other adults around. Also I don't get much time to chat online with other adults because Ty is an infant and infants do not have any concept of time and schedules or Mommy's need to interact with someone who speaks. When Kyra does get home it is a rush of homework, snack, keeping her entertained while I make dinner and care for the baby, and then the whole bath time, bed time, clean up the mess routine before I finally attempt to sleep a couple hours before the baby is awake.

The thing is I've never really been lonely. I'm pretty content on my own 99% of the time.....but now I'm pretty much alone 99.9% of the time.

I listen to a lot of audio books and podcasts now just to feel like there is someone else in the room.

Now my husband does come home and he helps...sorta. He works long hours and even when he is home he is working so our conversations are pretty minimal. He wants to complain about work and I feel drained just hearing it all while doing all the things I have to do to keep the house running. He means well and he'd probably do more but the time it would take to explain how to do it right I could just do it myself. Type A personality anyone?

People will ask, "What about your friends?" Well my friends live hundreds of miles away and are childless so our lives are at different points right now.

"What about your 'mom' friends?" I don't have any. Making mom friends is hard because we all parent differently. Making mom friends is hard because there is a big age gap between me and the moms with kids my kids age. There is also a decent sized age gap between my kids, by today's standards, and that makes it hard too. Also I suck at making friends. I need friends that I can see once every few months and it still feel normal. I get bogged down in the day to day and I'm no good at gossip or talking about 'normal' things. I'm weird and always have been.

"Why don't you go out? Get out of the house and make a run to Target? That's a mom thing to do." Yeah I do that sometimes, but my car is in the shop again and has been for weeks and that leaves me exactly here, stuck, which is what opened my eyes to the whole 'this is not what I expected' thing.

I realize that may seem silly to some. I mean I chose this life. I wanted to be here with my kids all the time. I love being with my kids. This isn't about them. This is about me. I'm lonely and the only thing I can think to do is write about it. So here I am. Back to my poor neglected blog pouring out feelings while the baby takes a nap that will probably only last 45 minutes and ignoring the mess from this morning's chaos of getting everyone fed and dressed and out the door.

I don't know where I'm going with this, I guess I just needed to get it out there into the void. So there it is, I underestimated how lonely this would be.

What I've been reading

So I totally missed the big book linkup that happened on Tuesday because honestly my life is just getting away from me. As they say the days are long but the years are short and every day with a baby in the house makes remembering that I have things outside of mom and wife stuff hard to remember. Still I wanted to share what I've been reading lately because I have read some AWESOME stuff lately! 


First and Foremost-----

The Kate Daniels Series by Ilona Andrews. OMG you guys. I had vaguely heard about this from other bloggers, had seen people post that they were reading it on GoodReads, and even one of my favorite podcasts mentioned it and it was only just a few weeks ago that I finally gave in and said "Fine. I'll give it a shot." I tend to avoid series lately because I just don't have the emotional capacity to invest in characters at the moment. Also some series just never end and others end without proper endings and I just didn't know what to expect. WELL. I am 3 books in and very impatiently waiting on the 4th to come in at the library and already have the rest of the books available on hold so I don't have to play this waiting game anymore. 

These books straight up rock. I love Kate and think she is hilarious and bold and my kind of bad ass female lead. I love that the love story bits are second hand and are taking their time to build instead of just jumping in and being like "HERE! LOVE STORY! ENJOY MINDLESS SEX SCENES!" Oh no we get some anticipation and build up and I am here for it. The world building is done so well without being tedious each book going back and explaining things over and over. Honestly I am hooked and am dying to get my hands on the 4th so I can continue. 10/10 would recommend to anyone that loves modern fantasy and magic settings. 

Endling the Last by K.A. Applegate- This is the first in what will be a series or I think trilogy maybe? Anyhow I picked it up because I liked the cover and also I have enjoyed K.A. Applegate since back when she wrote the Animorph series. This book is another high fantasy but for a bit younger crowd who maybe can't get into Lord of the Rings yet. I loved the characters and yay for more strong female leads! Basically it follows Byx who is afraid that she will be the Endling...the very last of her kind left in the world and goes on the quest with her as she meets new friends and enemies. Highly recommend if you like fantasy and are partial to younger fiction books. This isn't really YA as it reads a little younger in my opinion but the story is a great one and I'm excited for the next book. 

Josh and Hazel's Guide to Not Dating by Christina Lauren- Okay so this is a linkup book. I've seen several bloggers post this one and thought it sounded fun and easy which I was ready for after some heavy fantasy reading. This book was brilliant. I laughed so hard I cried. I adore Hazel and her "too muchness". I loved reading from Josh's POV as well and actually really enjoyed him as he wasn't what I consider the "typical" male lead. I mean sure this book is silly and predictable and ties things up in a nice little bow but honestly....couldn't we all use a little happy right now? Lighthearted and fun I would recommend to any hopeless romantics out there. 

And my Not So Awesome Pile- 


Love and Luck by Jenna Evans Welch- Oh I wanted to love this. I loved Love and Gelato and was so excited to see this book from the same author. I was even excited to see some characters that I knew. However this book just fell flat for me. I didn't like the characters. I felt like the "mystery" was being drug out and ultimately wasn't that big of a deal. I found myself putting this book down a lot and actually dreading picking up again because I felt the need to finish. It was a swing and a miss for me. Such a bummer. 

So that's what I've been reading lately. If you are looking for more books to check out be sure to click back to the epic linkup that I missed! 

What have you been reading lately? 

Missing pieces

First off- Thanks to everyone that commented and let me know they are still out there. I really appreciate you all. Seriously I ugly cried.

I've been toying with the idea of journaling again. Not just to keep my schedule but actual journaling. Just putting words on paper in addition to putting words on this blog. Partly to start easing my way into writing again which always makes me happy and partly to start putting good vibrations out into the universe so that maybe I can start manifesting some good.

I know that manifestation and good energies and the like are very trendy right now and I won't lie and say I haven't followed numerous blog posts and Instagram posts about it but I have always used some form of manifestation in my life even prior to now and prior to having a name for it. I actually have several crystals and gems that I have had for years that I use in a daily practice to find balance while meditating and trying to find a little bit of peace. Again crystals are a hot topic right now but some of mine I've had since high school so I'm really not trying to hop on the bandwagon here. I do find myself wanting more crystals now that I see more of them available but that is a whole other issue. Anyhow each day I sit with one that calls to me and focus my thoughts on something good or something that I am grateful for. Sometimes for just a few moments because that is all I have before life calls me back in. Still each of those little moments helps me find just a little piece of me that was missing.

I really just want to start putting good into the world because right now it feels like there just isn't much to go around. Everyone is starving for something good and filling. Something to heal the parts of us that are missing. The world is a scary place right now. It has always been scary but right now everyone is so divided over every. single. issue. It's exhausting. I actually have been avoiding social media as much as I can while still staying informed because I just feel so drained. Everyone wants to be right....but no one is willing to just DO right. So I want to do that. I want to do good things and focus on good things and be grateful for the good things that I have. Maybe if I can just send out those vibrations someone will feel them and pass them along. Maybe that is some hippy dippy nonsense but honestly it's worth a shot.

Back to Blogging....And Some Changes?

I've missed blogging but I feel like the only thing I talk about is my kids.

Can I talk about just my kids?

I've missed blogging but I feel like no one cares.

Can I still come here and talk even though no one is going to read it?

I've missed blogging but what can I add to the conversation that isn't already out there?

Can I write even if my words aren't revolutionary?

So yeah that's what's been going on in my head this past month. I want to come back to this space. So much so that I even updated the look of the blog on the down low just to see if that sparked something in me....and maybe to see if anyone else was out there reading. I feel the need to connect to someone out there outside of the mom bubble I've been living in but honestly.....all I do is mom stuff. It's an endless wheel at the moment and I had forgotten just how hard it is to have a new baby in the house. Kyra has been pretty self sufficient for a while now and I forgot what it was like to have someone depend on you for literally there EVERY NEED. It's a tough job and an all consuming one at times.

Then Kyra started school and that comes with a whole new set of changes and challenges.

Then everyone that I have in my support system is working. Literally all of them. All the time. Everyone is busy every.single.day. So I'm on my own with just one or both of the kids for nearly 12 hours a day. Every day. I'm in bed by 8:30 pm. I'm a night owl this is freakish for me. But if I want to be able to get up and function at 5 am after being up at least 3 times during the night with the baby and to pump then I have to. Then Kyra goes to school and it's just me and Ty and I take care of chores and work and blah blah blah and then it is 3 pm and Kyra is home and I'm busy with her after school stuff and then it's dinner time and boom....8:30 again. Endless wheel.

So I'm coming here. Back to writing. Back to blogging. Back to something that feels like me. Something that is just mine.

That being said it's going to be different because I am different. I've changed and so the blog must change along with me.

So I'm sending this out into the void. I have no idea if anyone reads here anymore but that's okay. I just need my words to go somewhere. I just need them out of my head so they can stop tumbling around in there all day on repeat. So out into the void I whisper.....is this thing on?

Things I'm always doing (Or so it seems)

I saw this post floating around a couple months ago and this has been on my mind lately and thought 'Hey! Let's blog about it!' 

Laundry

Vacuuming

filling dog water bowls

unwrapping string cheese

putting on Barbie clothes

telling myself I will get caught up on blog posts and comments

Making tea

Pumping (Ugh such a love/hate relationship) 

Saying I'm going to paint my nails

Searching for a new planner that does everything I want it to

Wondering what kind of world my children will have after all this mess

Trying to think positive and do positive things so that the world they have will not be this hot mess

Cleaning bottles, onesies, and pump parts

Searching for food I can eat with one hand 

Dreaming of starting a creative enterprise that will stick. I want to do so many things and when it's 3 am and you are the only one awake you are always full of great ideas...now just to take the leap! 



What do you feel you are always doing? 

What's Been Happening Around Here....

This guy turned 3 months old.....

This girl started Kindergarten and has been my big helper all summer long. She's a rockstar. 

I've been all over the place. Postpartum life is no joke and honestly I had forgotten just how hard and wonderful it can be. I'd never trade a moment of it away but some days when I've only slept for 2 hours and I can't remember the last time I saw a shower I have to remind myself that it gets better that as we get into our routine we will learn and grow and it will get easier. And every day slowly it gets better. 

These two got their summer/fall hair cuts and they look like mother and daughter now. 

There was a shark cake.  

Some family outings. 

All in all it's been a busy and eventful summer and I'm looking forward to this fall and all our adventures yet to come. 

What I Read This summer

I didn't get much reading done this summer since I was busy with a newborn but I did get a few things read and I've really missed the linkup so I managed to gather up my small list so I could join in today! 

Crazy Rich Asian Series by Kevin Kwan- I picked up this series simply because I saw the trailer for the first movie and thought it looked like fun. I am so glad I did because I absolutely adored this series! It was funny, dramatic, a little over the top, and just plain awesome. I would highly recommend the entire trilogy to anyone and especially anyone that like myself enjoys reading about Asian customs or also has a slight affinity for over the top practically royal antics. I cannot wait to see the movie! 

Call The Midwife by Jennifer Worth- I've watched the whole series on Netflix and thought it would be fun to listen to and I wasn't disappointed. The narrator is perfect and the stories are just so fascinating and compelling and it is hard to picture that this life wasn't so long ago. I'm so grateful for all the advancements in medicine and birthing options since then. I will admit I waited on this one until Ty was born but I'm looking forward to listening to the rest of the series now that he's safely arrived and won't go into a panic attack. 

The Grownup by Gillian Flynn- This was actually a short story which I wasn't aware of at the onset but it was pretty decent and on par with Flynn's novels. Creepy and disturbing but some very interesting characters. 

Girl Logic by Iliza Shlesinger- I found Iliza on Netflix one dull day and managed to binge watch all her specials in just a week. I really enjoy her brand of humor as I relate to it being an "Elder Millennial" myself. When I found out she had written a book I knew I had to pick it up. It was extremely funny and honestly if I was still a single girl living on my own then it would have been completely relatable but since I'm an old married (ha) it didn't apply much to me. Still it was funny and I love her take charge attitude and her story of how she made her way in a career that is traditionally a male dominated field. At the very least you should check out her comedy specials. 

So what have you been reading lately?

New Arrival

Tyberius Robert Honu

I'm so pleased to share this post with you all. I meant to share it much sooner but honestly it has been like a mad house around here with our new addition and we are all still getting used to our new lives with our new addition! Ty is actually one month old and I can't even believe that it has gone that fast! However when you are in the trenches and so deeply in love it is no wonder that time flies away from you.

Ty arrived on July 7th via a scheduled induction and after 12 hours of INTENSE labor he arrived into the world and changed our lives for the better. I want to do a proper post on my labor and delivery and hopefully I will get to that in the next week.

A lot of people have asked where I got the name. Well the truth is I didn't name him at all! After Kyra was born I had told my husband that he could name the next baby we had since he basically had no say in Kyra's name I just told him what it was. So he had Ty's name picked out for a good long while and told absolutely NO ONE his name until he was born. I mean even I didn't know what my baby's name was going to be until he was handed to me. Now that being said I had seen a  list of possible names and had given my opinions on them before hand but I had no idea which name would be the winner. I'm very happy with his name and actually we have gotten a lot of compliments on it being a unique name. Sure it's different but honestly once you hold this little guy and look into his face you just know...that was always meant to be his name.

I'm so happy to introduce my baby boy to you all and those of you that have been around for a while know how much this pregnancy and this baby meant to me since Ty is my rainbow baby. Sometimes I can't even believe that we made it and that my baby is in my arms and everything I wished for came true. My heart is just so full.

What I Read: April 2018 Edition

The Rules of Magic by Alice Hoffman- This is the prequel to Practical Magic and I have to say I actually enjoyed this book a lot more than that one. Though I think I would enjoy that one more if I wasn't so in love with the movie. This book focuses on the Aunts and honestly I loved every minute finding out more about them and their lives before Sally and Jillian. This book was so much fun to read and honestly just fascinating. If you are at all into Practical Magic either the movie or the book then you should definitely check this one out. 

One of Us is Lying by Karen M McManus- I heard so many great things about this one and I have to say I was not disappointed. I actually did keep putting it down so that I could take my time finishing and it kept me guessing until the end. Great read. (I want to write so much about this but I don't want to spoil it and honestly that would be super easy to do and I don't want to ruin it!) 

The Secrets of Midwives by Sally Hepworth- Another book that showed up on my holds list that I don't remember putting there but I am so happy it did! This was a light and quick read and while at times predictable it was still so very good. The love story was sweet. The story between the 3 generations of women was amazing. Lots of baby stuff and some of it could be tough for those that are squeamish or have never given birth before. Still it's a great read. 

What have you been reading this month? Be sure to join the linkup! 

So What's Up?

The Bump: This week we are 34 weeks and closing in on the final weeks of this pregnancy!

Doing Non Stress Tests until Baby Boy arrives. No worries he's perfectly healthy! 

Nesting: I have nothing done. I'm in a panic. Why do I wait so long to do things????

Kyra has preschool graduation in 2 weeks and honestly I can't even handle it.

We ran off to Baltimore and DC for a week.

First zoo trip of the year.

Carter's had a huge sale last week and Robert said to just fill up a cart so he could see what I liked and the stuff should arrive this afternoon! I'm so excited because everything was 70 percent off and I also had an extra 20 percent off so I SAVED A TON.

Unfortunately that savings is going to have to go to fixing my car as she is in the shop and I'm super sad. 

So that's what is going on around here? What's new with you? Be sure to join the linkup! 

What I Read: March 2018

When Dimple Met  Rishi by Sandhya Menon- I so wanted to like this. I love silly romance and I love YA but I just couldn't get into this one. For one I really hated Dimple. She was just this back and forth and back and forth and really judgmental while screaming about being judged and I thought we were going to get more of her as a strong female character but she just fell flat for me. Rishi was likable enough but I felt like he was getting the raw end of the deal because he kept trying and Dimple kept being just meh. I know so many who loved this and honestly am bummed that I didn't. 

I Heart My Little A-Holes by Karen Alpert- I don't know how I stumbled upon this but I did and as a currently very pregnant person I was interested in reading something "mom" related. This book was pretty hilarious and it was nice to see a mom that was okay talking about the less glamorous parts of being a mom. Sometimes it is super hard and while you wouldn't change a thing it isn't Instagram perfection around here like....ever. I enjoyed this one but if you aren't a mom or into reading "mommy blog" style stuff give it a pass.

I want my Epidural Back: Adventures in Mediocre Parenting by Karen Alpert- I picked this one up because I really did enjoy the first however this one was just more repeat of the first one and felt like she just threw some blog posts into a book and published it. It repeated a lot of the first book and just didn't have the humor this time around to keep it going. I actually didn't finish it.

Books on Deck:

One of Us is Lying- I am so hooked but trying to savor this one! So far it's amazing.
The Rules of Magic- Again trying to savor it.
Thunderhead- Audio book that I'm trying to listen to but am kind of saving for my road trip next week!